HALLElujah!

On September 7, 2017, our world was flipped upside down.  Days away from Halle Grace’s due date, I had this sinking feeling something was wrong. I wasn’t feeling any movement from our typically active child. Having been through a few pregnancies, I drank some juice, ate some food, and found a quiet space to lay down and count kicks. Nothing. I called our OB and we headed to the hospital. Our dear friend rushed to our aid and selflessly watched our three little ones. I had convinced myself that we would get to the hospital, everything would check out, and we would be back in a few hours. 

I was wrong. 

Our precious nurse, now dear friend, searched for a heart beat. Feeling my own pulse, I knew the one she found was mine. The nearest doctor grabbed a sono machine and showed us our perfect girl, and then told us our little girl no longer had a heartbeat. Counting ceiling tiles and refusing to hear what I was just told, we waited for our OB. She followed shortly behind and confirmed what we already knew. Our girl was not going to be coming home with us. 

No matter what, you never fully feel prepared to deliver a child. Preparing to deliver a child and plan a funeral simultaneously is unfathomable. There we were. Hours seemed like eternity.  The exciting hustle of birth was non-existent. The room was eerily quiet. It’s still difficult to think back to those moments. 

While there is tremendous pain in our story, there is also great peace knowing that our God was and is there through it all.  Looking back, I can see His handiwork in every step.  

One of my favorite testaments to His provision is the story of my Hope Box.  I remember receiving the box and being told it just had some personal care items, like chapstick, in it. I carried that box home in place of my child. I had zero desire to look inside. Eventually I did and immediately messaged my nurse to tell her it was so much more than chapstick. It was community, comfort, and a reminder of the Hope we have in Christ, even during our darkest moments. It was what I needed when no one around us seemed to understand our pain.  I went from feeling completely alone to surrounded by other moms who understood exactly what I was facing.  Those friendships were completely orchestrated by a God who was holding my little girl and knew exactly what I needed in those moments. He used that box to help gently pick up the pieces of my shattered heart.

It turns out, my hospital didn’t even stock Hope Boxes, yet. My dear OB knew where a box was and made sure I received it. It came from a mom who knew my pain. That mom was even with my OB when she received our call, before she headed to the hospital. My God placed everyone perfectly throughout that day. Through relationships and fundraising, that hospital is now stocked with 60+ boxes a year. 

That Hope Box led me to some of my dearest friends. Friends who, 5 years later, walk into a room and speak to my heart without saying a word. The ministry of Hope Mommies is such a blessing to me and thousands of other moms. I am so grateful I get the space to intentionally be Halle’s mom while I serve along side these women. 

Your donations help us continue stocking these hospitals with Hope Boxes. Halle would be 5 this year. Help us celebrate her life and the Hope we have in Christ by donating to our ministry. No mom should walk this grief journey alone.